There are always times in your life when you wonder when was
it that all the laughter died; when was it that your face began to display more
frowns and blank expressions and less smiles. Its scary, really, when you come
to think of it, when you are in your 20’s and yet you feel like an old hag who
has lived the best years of her life.
You know you are losing it when Microsoft Word corrects your
grammar, the basic singular and plural stuff. Like seriously? Microsoft Word? That
thing has less of a grasp on grammar than a two year old. And yet, it is true. When
did I turn into that person? That once sharp mind is now reduced to this
muddled state.
Then again you are only made to bear what you give to the
world, so it is safe to assume that all the suffering that you go through is
actually something that you have made someone else suffer. Life is really a
full circle, believe me on that.
One day you think that just because you haven’t thought
about a person for a while, haven’t wished them on holidays and special occasions,
you are finally free from their grasp, or rather from the grasp of their
blasted memories. However, that is not true. Memories don’t really leave us. They
are merely waiting in the dark abyss of your mind, waiting to spring like a
volcano when you least expect it, to catch you unawares and pull you down into
that same old pit of self doubt and insecurities. And all the things that you
have done so hard to forget or shove in some unsuspecting corner of your mind
suddenly are out there in the open. Its like an appendix really, dormant, until
it erupts and then there is no stopping it. Wait, now I am resorting to metaphors
from the medical world? See, this is what friggin memories do to you.
A little part of every creative person’s mind is said to be
insane. Maybe I got more than my fair share of insanity, I don’t know. Not that
I am complaining, I would rather be slightly more insane than what is normally
accepted than be an uptight 21st century version of Cousin Violet
from Downton Abbey (Although she is really awesome; she is the granny many wish
for, but only few are lucky enough to have).
Anyway, where was I? Yeah, memories. Well, I think the best
way to deal with it all is to accept it as it comes, to know that somewhere
after all the pain and hurt you are never going to be the same, maybe your
smile will have a little less of a curve than before and maybe some of that
charming innocent spark will have gone out of your eyes, but again it’s fire
that moulds the iron, not cotton candy.
Be grateful for pain, cos without true suffering there would
be no true happiness. Does that make even the slightest bit of sense? Okay,
fine, I need to replenish my stock of Old Monk cos now I am just rambling on
like an old fool.
