One step forward, and back two

A distant memory crossed her mind, softly, like the whisper of a child; her breath stilled, she was instantly transported back into the past. The memories always came back without any warning; sometimes like a gentle breeze that soothes you on a summer night, and sometimes like a curse straight from hell. She couldn't remember what had caused the memory to strike so suddenly, or why it had come to haunt her, but it did.

Things had been much better lately. The smoldering rage that burned her very soul was abating; the tears didn’t come so frequently anymore. Inner peace was slowly being restored; the nights weren’t so much of an agony anymore. She had learnt that time doesn't really heal the wounds; it just diminishes the intensity of the response that the wounds once brought about. Time brings acceptance that a small part of you will always remain broken beyond repair; that that battered part of you will always belong to the person who caused the pain. Love comes with a price, oh and the price she had paid.

 The cracks in her soul were visible in the depths of her eyes. Some days weren't so bad, she felt fine, renewed even. And just when she thought she was getting better, that she could laugh a laugh that was reflected in her eyes, the memories erupted from the woodwork and proved her wrong. Then the tears would flow and her breath would come in gasps, as she tried to keep her world from crumbling yet again.

The damage had been done. She knew it was never going to be the same. She just hoped that someday she could lock up all that hurt into a corner in her heart and not let it affect her the way it did now; but she knew that today was not the day. The memories lurked in the distant abyss of her mind, like the dark clouds that warned you of a fast approaching storm. She managed to keep them at bay, but for how long could she continue to do so? Every day was an effort to get by. It was like taking one step forward into the future, and two steps back into the past. She kept walking. She had to. What was the alternative?